Haram

Censorship in the Kingdom isn't just confined to certain movies and websites, it has even made it's way into English textbooks. Here are a few examples of the textual cleansing that has been taking place.

1. Kevin... Bacon?

Kevin, being an infidel from the wrong side of the tracks, probably has a penchant for the forbidden fruits of the Western world. That's right, I said "Western world", where we are free to eat pig in any of its forms. Therefore, we can deduce that the missing word may well be 'crack', and if so it's quite right they censored such an anti-social habit.

2. Birthdays are haram

Again, we may be wrong to jump to conclusions here. The title might not be "Dean's gay wedding present", despite that seeming the most obvious fit. Birthdays are not celebrated in Saudi, so 'birthday' may be the missing word, who knows.

3. The good wife

I think we can safely concur that Dave is into some pretty kinky stuff if his description of an ideal woman is completely blacked out. It must have been utter filth, beyond haram for the authorities to even black out his name. An anonymous source from the Ministry of all things Haram has leaked the original document, and it is rumoured to read like this:

Dave: I'm looking for a black Jewish midget with lesbian tendencies.

          She must have experience in the porn industry,

          enjoy pork products, and have a valid drivers license.

          A non-smoker, unless of course the substance is illegal.

          She should not weigh one ounce over 400 pounds.

I think we can safely say the country is in good hands. Perhaps we could do with such protection in the West. Until next time, fica com Deus x