Royally lazy

Is the honeymoon period over? I’m not talking about my time in the Kingdom (I’m not sure I had the pleasure of a honeymoon period as such); I’m talking about my blogging career. It’s been a long hiatus, the creative juices haven’t been flowing, my work load has been upped from 13 hours a week to 15 hours a week (slave labour), and I’ve been pretty busy playing volleyball and watching The Wire. All valid excuses, I’m sure you’ll agree, but today I’ve made a mental resolution to start writing again, if only to get a few more flags on my flag counter.

The last time I spoke to you was on the eve of my trip to Jordan. It was a fantastic holiday; we saw the sights, ate the local food, swam in the Dead Sea, bought some gifts and endured a couple of well-earned hangovers. It would take forever to upload all of the pictures onto here, and despite a renewed enthusiasm to blog, I haven’t complete shed my laziness, so here’s the link to my carefully crafted Facebook photo album:

http://www.facebook.com/media/set/fbx/?set=a.10100161976571429.2666508.197801537

If you’re not friends with me on Facebook you won’t be able to see the photos. If that’s the case, stop being shy and add me. It’ll enhance your stalking experience.

Since Jordan there have been a couple of changes to my schedule. I now work a hybrid mix of days and evenings, as a favour for the big boss, Dr Yousef. In return, I’ll be getting a month’s leave in June/July, and I’ve already booked my flights! For all those living in England, I’ll be back from June 24^th to July 21^st. The gorgeous Isabela will be with me, all the way from Brazil. I expect (hope) to be greeted with a pint and a bacon sandwich whenever I see any of you. I can’t wait.

On the social side, I organised a music quiz the other night. It consisted of three rounds – name that tune, music trivia, and finish the line (of the song, it’s not that rock and roll in Al Jouf). I tried to mix genres and eras, and I think it went down well. The old timers of Al Jouf certainly seemed to know their 60’s rock more than their hip hop – the racists. Dean’s team ended up as winners, I think, Darren’s team seemed to have a good score but were too drunk to add up their total. The swimming pool volleyball season finally commenced last Thursday (Arabic Saturday) after being delayed a couple of weeks due to some freak storms. Playing football seems to have taken a back seat in recent weeks due to the new timetable, and the weather, and the amount of football on T.V. A quick word on that – WE’RE ON THE MARCH WITH FERGIE’S ARRRMMMYYY, WE’RE ALL GOING TO WEMBLEY!!! After a scintillating performance in Germany, it looks like Man United are heading to the Champions League final on 28^th May, I’ve already swapped shifts so I can watch it. Expect a long post dedicated to that alone, coming soon (which will be ignored by at least 80% of my readers). Next weekend there’s talk of spending a night in the desert, and the weekend after that we’re gonna have another pub crawl. Eagerly anticipated by yours truly, I’ll start the brewing tomorrow. In even better news, Eck Michie has escaped the streets of Tripoli and Birmingham, and is arriving in Al Jouf next week. Masha’Allah.

I didn’t see much of the Royal Wedding yesterday, apart from a few highlights and a couple of pictures. I’m not a massive fan of the Royals and patriotism annoys me, but each to their own. There was one great thing to come out of the Royal Wedding though. Not the boost to the economy we’ll receive from tourism and media coverage, not the collective sense of pride felt throughout the nation, not the extra day off work for all those working in Britain, not even Pippa Middleton’s dress. I’m talking about this picture, and I’m not sure any attempt at a description would do it justice…

I thought she removed "obey" from her vows? Mish mumkin ya William.

Speak soon, Ben x

I don't like blogging...

...I love it!

Sorry, I couldn't resist. Today's tune is topical, on the eve of my holiday. 10cc's classic hit, Dreadlock Holiday. Five white boys with bad hair singing about an intimidating holiday in a land full of brown people - what could be more relevant! Replace the word Dreadlock with Burka for added effect.

Spring break

I’m off to Amman, in Jordan, on Sunday for five nights, and I cannot wait. Nick, Darren, Abdullah and I are doing the five hour trip by car, and we’ll be meeting Oyin, Erika and Jeff there for a day or two. We’ll be checking out the old city, hitting the Dead Sea, perhaps taking a trip to Petra, and without a doubt sampling some legal alcohol for the first time in over two months. The local cuisine is also supposed to be delicious. According to the other teachers that have been there, it’s a beautiful country, and one of the more liberal Islamic states, so it’ll be a nice change from the Kingdom for a few days. When you say the name Jordan in Britain, the first thing that comes to mind for most people is the image of the former page three model, Katie Price, who used to go by the alias of Jordan. If there’s one thing she is not, it’s an Islamic state! The mere thought of her would probably get you 100 lashings in Saudi Arabia. Perhaps she should’ve named herself Magaluf, or Kavos? It would’ve been more fitting. I digress, I probably won’t be blogging that much in the next few days but I will endeavour to when I return. I may post some music though, for those who are interested (if I can conjure up the motivation).

I’ll leave you with my favourite song by The Doors, from their album Morrison Hotel. What a legend Jim Morrison was. In this track he talks about being a spy, in the house of love. I couldn’t be more different to that right now; I’m more of an incurious guest in the house of chastity. Enjoy x

I need a dollar

To celebrate pay day I thought I'd post a song that I first heard a couple of days ago and I can't stop playing. It's one of those songs that you like straight away, as soon as you've heard the first few bars. Aloe seems pretty intent on getting his dollar, and in that sense me and him are the same. He's singing for it, I'm teaching/blogging/relaxing for it, but we both have our struggles, in different ways. He also sings about taking solace in alcohol, something I haven't really got the luxury of doing (except the odd glass of joy juice)

"now wine is good to me, it helps me pass the time, and my good old buddy whiskey keeps me warmer than sunshine"

One of the best things about having a fair bit of time on my hands here is listening to music and finding new music. This week I've downloaded Aloe Blacc's album, the new Strokes album, and Morrison Hotel by The Doors, and I recommend all of them. I'll post some more tracks on here soon, Insha'Allah of course.

The Al Jouf Infidel Olympics 2011

Thursday (Arabic Saturday) bore witness to the first ever annual Al Jouf Infidel Olympics. An event the whole of the Middle East, nay the World, had been hotly anticipating. If you’ve been living on Mars for the past 6 months, or don’t own a television or a computer, then I’ll explain it to you.

16 international athletes, 11 events, 2 teams and only 1 winner.

Set in the lush gardens of villa 15, under the piercing Al Jouf sun, the scene was set for a festival of sporting excellence the likes of which hadn’t been seen since, well, our last volleyball game two weeks ago.

Team 1 were North America, aka the evil empire. What they lacked in athleticism and skill they more than made up for in underhand tactics and bad sportsmanship. Their team was perhaps epitomised by the joker in their pack (or ace up their sleeve as was to be the case), Elvan Adiyaman. The young Canadian Turk was shrouded in controversy for his performances in the three-legged race and musical chairs. However, a win is a win, and his record of success speaks for itself. Does the end justify the means? A question too complex and subjective to divulge into at this moment in time, but one thing is for sure, the North American’s weren’t afraid to ruffle a few feathers in order to achieve their goal.

Team 2 were imaginatively named The Rest of the World, a united front of courageous athletes (a motley crew of unhealthy randoms) from countries such as England, Sudan, Syria, Nigeria and India. The fan’s favourites, due to their unrivalled team spirit and infectious charisma, they weren’t prepared to sacrifice their morals for shallow victory (with the slight exception of the egg and spoon race). Whilst their approach and skill earned them many admirers, their reluctance to lower their high standards of fair play eventually cost them, but would it cost them the ultimate prize? The AJIO Championship.

The Rest of the World got off to a flier, winning four of the first five events. Un-phased by their burkas, the Sudanese females fried the competition and poached victory in the egg and spoon race. Jeff and Elvan earned North America a win in the three-legged race taking advantage of a loop-hole in the rule book, and hopping their way to a controversial victory. Reji and I drew inspiration from our criket-obsessed nations and showed the Americans that you don’t need to wear gloves to catch, as we took home the gold in the water balloon toss. The wheel barrow race was a comfortable team victory for The Rest of the World, who also went on to win the fancy dress race as Oyin and Mich proved worryingly quick in their task of dressing up Richard in a burka.

At 4-1 down North America looked to be on the ropes, but a tight victory in a game called Octopus (similar to the old playground game, British bulldog), was the spark which led the evil empire to strike back. Despite Reji’s best efforts The Rest of the World suffered a cruel 2-1 defeat in the dodgeball, before Craig masterminded an emphatic victory for the North Americans in human checkers. Our resident Nigerian/Brit, Oyin Alonge, rose to the occasion to win gold in the eating contest, leaving The Rest of the World leading 5-4, with two events left. One win would guarantee victory, and the next event was musical chairs. After a competitive, bruising encounter, that witnessed some truly appalling dancing, we were left with three competitors and two chairs; Elvan and Craig representing North America, against Richard, hoping to seal the deal for our team. As the music stopped Craig and Richard seemed to have comfortably settled in their chairs, only for Elvan to fling his hips in Richard’s direction and dislodge him from his seat. Ever the gentleman, Richard conceded defeat. However, the result was contentious, and unpopular even within the North American team.

With the scores standing at 5 apiece the final event was a winner-takes-all affair. An obstacle course designed by hosts Craig and Alana, which involved all sorts of challenges designed to test the skill and athleticism of the athletes. North America had the momentum, and it proved to be the telling factor as they defeated The Rest of the World, who seemed to have the wind taken out of their sails after the brutal defeat in the musical chairs.

After the games had finished both teams celebrated in the traditional infidel way; with joy juice, food and shisha. A fitting way to cap off an epic occasion which surely won’t be the last of it’s kind.

الحمد لله

 starting things off with a bang

 the three-legged race

 Nigerian rice monster

 all square with one to play

 a round of applause for the athletes

 a disgruntled fan

 some weird Canadian song no-one understood

 eyes on the milk

the cats and the infidels out-lasting the sun