Eterna Busca: The Al Jouf Infidel Olympics 2011

Thursday (Arabic Saturday) bore witness to the first ever annual Al Jouf Infidel Olympics. An event the whole of the Middle East, nay the World, had been hotly anticipating. If you’ve been living on Mars for the past 6 months, or don’t own a television or a computer, then I’ll explain it to you.

16 international athletes, 11 events, 2 teams and only 1 winner.

Set in the lush gardens of villa 15, under the piercing Al Jouf sun, the scene was set for a festival of sporting excellence the likes of which hadn’t been seen since, well, our last volleyball game two weeks ago.

Team 1 were North America, aka the evil empire. What they lacked in athleticism and skill they more than made up for in underhand tactics and bad sportsmanship. Their team was perhaps epitomised by the joker in their pack (or ace up their sleeve as was to be the case), Elvan Adiyaman. The young Canadian Turk was shrouded in controversy for his performances in the three-legged race and musical chairs. However, a win is a win, and his record of success speaks for itself. Does the end justify the means? A question too complex and subjective to divulge into at this moment in time, but one thing is for sure, the North American’s weren’t afraid to ruffle a few feathers in order to achieve their goal.

Team 2 were imaginatively named The Rest of the World, a united front of courageous athletes (a motley crew of unhealthy randoms) from countries such as England, Sudan, Syria, Nigeria and India. The fan’s favourites, due to their unrivalled team spirit and infectious charisma, they weren’t prepared to sacrifice their morals for shallow victory (with the slight exception of the egg and spoon race). Whilst their approach and skill earned them many admirers, their reluctance to lower their high standards of fair play eventually cost them, but would it cost them the ultimate prize? The AJIO Championship.

The Rest of the World got off to a flier, winning four of the first five events. Un-phased by their burkas, the Sudanese females fried the competition and poached victory in the egg and spoon race. Jeff and Elvan earned North America a win in the three-legged race taking advantage of a loop-hole in the rule book, and hopping their way to a controversial victory. Reji and I drew inspiration from our criket-obsessed nations and showed the Americans that you don’t need to wear gloves to catch, as we took home the gold in the water balloon toss. The wheel barrow race was a comfortable team victory for The Rest of the World, who also went on to win the fancy dress race as Oyin and Mich proved worryingly quick in their task of dressing up Richard in a burka.

At 4-1 down North America looked to be on the ropes, but a tight victory in a game called Octopus (similar to the old playground game, British bulldog), was the spark which led the evil empire to strike back. Despite Reji’s best efforts The Rest of the World suffered a cruel 2-1 defeat in the dodgeball, before Craig masterminded an emphatic victory for the North Americans in human checkers. Our resident Nigerian/Brit, Oyin Alonge, rose to the occasion to win gold in the eating contest, leaving The Rest of the World leading 5-4, with two events left. One win would guarantee victory, and the next event was musical chairs. After a competitive, bruising encounter, that witnessed some truly appalling dancing, we were left with three competitors and two chairs; Elvan and Craig representing North America, against Richard, hoping to seal the deal for our team. As the music stopped Craig and Richard seemed to have comfortably settled in their chairs, only for Elvan to fling his hips in Richard’s direction and dislodge him from his seat. Ever the gentleman, Richard conceded defeat. However, the result was contentious, and unpopular even within the North American team.

With the scores standing at 5 apiece the final event was a winner-takes-all affair. An obstacle course designed by hosts Craig and Alana, which involved all sorts of challenges designed to test the skill and athleticism of the athletes. North America had the momentum, and it proved to be the telling factor as they defeated The Rest of the World, who seemed to have the wind taken out of their sails after the brutal defeat in the musical chairs.

After the games had finished both teams celebrated in the traditional infidel way; with joy juice, food and shisha. A fitting way to cap off an epic occasion which surely won’t be the last of it’s kind.

الحمد لله